March 19, 2011
For me, I know I'm fully comfortable with someone when I can sit right next to them and just ….be. Neither one of us needs to talk. We can just enjoy each other's presence. Now, this is NOT something I've perfected by any means, as let's face it, I like to talk. But I also haven't perfected it because I struggle, at times, with low self esteem. I know this statement probably baffles a lot of you, but it's true. I'm a feeling driven person, as we all know, and when I can't feel or hear someone's love for me I struggle. It's the same thing with the Lord. If I can't feel Him or hear Him speak to me I start to question "why isn't He speaking to me, am I not hearing well, is something the matter with me, was I not really hearing before, is He mad at me .....?"
God has really been speaking to me this week....by NOT speaking. This week He's seemed to be silent. Sometimes it can be sin in our lives that prohibits us from hearing the Lord. Sometimes we just need to take more time to wait before the Lord and listen. But sometimes it's just that He wants us to be satisfied with simply being in His presence, just having the knowledge that, yes, He is here. I'm learning this week how to be FULLY fulfilled in simply the KNOWLEDGE of Him. So by the end of the week the quiet time before Him that felt hopeless and like I wasn't doing something right became a sweet fragrance in which I was sitting while before His throne. So, SO much growth and learning to be done yet ya know? Good lesson to learn. I'll probably have to learn it again too!