Friday, July 6, 2012

Processing out loud

June 24, 2012

So, I find myself needing to process what's going to be happening in the next 6 weeks. It hits me hard when someone asks me, “Is this your first?” and my response is, “No, it's our third”. I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS thought I'd hear those words come out of my mouth! It's so strange.

And so the changes taking place in the next few weeks are big, for us. New baby, new roles for the boys in our family, Seth will be starting a special visual tracking therapy as he's not able to make that connection from brain to eye to follow along (track) while reading,'s really effecting his learning, boys being more independent and going to day camp, and the most nerve racking of all changes.....wait for it......we bought a large car. You know, the ones where there are sliding doors on the sides, seat 7? Some people refer to them as mini vans. NOT US.

When we handed the check over to the man who was selling us the “large car” he said, “Are you excited?” I looked at him with a dead pan face and said, “No, I'm thankful but NOT excited.” He didn't know how to respond. :)

In all these areas we see God working and moving and providing for us. So why are all these things rolling over and over and over again in my mind? I'm human. It gets me every time! So I just continue to speak truth to myself when fearful and uncertain thoughts come to my mind. “God has a plan to prosper us.” “A man plans his steps but the Lord directs his path”. “To obey is better than to sacrifice.” “A broken spirit and a contrite heart, oh Lord, You will not despise.” And most importantly, “The joy of the Lord is my strength”. I was reminded the other week that the more I'm focused on what's going on around me the less my focus on Him who takes each of my days through the palms of His hand. NOTHING happens that He doesn't allow to happen.

This really frustrates and turns some people off. For me it brings great comfort. It reminds me, it's not about me. All that's allowed to happen in my life, in my family, is happening to bring God glory, to grow His kingdom, and HE has so graciously and mercifully allowed us to be apart of that.

And so each moment of the day I say, “Be gone fears, frustrations, and anxiety! The Lord is bigger than you.” I don't always FEEL better, but I, once again, aline myself appropriately. “Feelings, get to the back of the train. Truth (God's truth) is what is the engine in my life.”

And away I go, chugging throughout the day. Some day's faster than others. Some days require lots of stopping and re-alining the train cars. How are your train cars aligned? What's leading your decision making, your actions, your responses?