In church yesterday the pastor was talking about the importance of having a vision for your life to give it purpose, to remind us what we're working towards. This message really hit me deeply. What is my vision for life, for this year? I really struggle with this. I've always had a heart to give “beauty for ashes”. I assumed that when I came here to Mada I would work with the downcast and “lowly”, if you will. However, since I've been here I have found that the Lord is opening up doors for me to minister to Missionary women. Now....which way do I go?
Why do I want to help the “downcast and lowly”?
- It's just in my heart to reach those whom others would label as “not worthy, too dirty, too uneducated, beneath us”.
- I'm sure I would be seen as “doing good”, “suffering for Jesus”, “I couldn't do that so I'll support Megan”.
- I enjoy being in a developing country and the challenges that come with it.
Why am I struggling with using my time here to support and encourage missionary women?
- It's not as much of a cultural experience as I'd like.
- Will people see that as missions work and be willing to support me as I support those who are literally sharing the gospel?
- It's not what I planned on doing. I've drempt about being overseas for over 20 years and NEVER did I dream about supporting and helping other foreigners there, it was to help the nationals. This isn't what I planned.
And yet, I've seen how much it is NEEDED for missionaries to have other foreigners to connect with, share their hearts with, their hurts, frustrations, joys, and sorrows. As I meet these beautiful women they just naturally start sharing their hearts with me. Somehow we feel drawn together. How is it that my SPIRIT can feel so drawn towards these women but my HEART is with the Malagasy?
I understand that I can do both, have a balance. I just don't want to be seen as one of those Vazhas (foreigners) who hang out with other foreigners and not with the Malagasy. I can't stand people like that. CRAP....I just realized what I wrote. I'm concerned about what other people think of the work that I'm doing. I'm counting on others to provide my provisions based on how they view my “works” rather than depending on the Lord to provide because I'm following His leading. Oh pride, why dost though taunt me!
So, why am I blogging this? Because I need prayer. I need the Lord to guide me in how I spend my time and with whom, besides my family. Time is precious. I want to have a clear vision so that I can use my time to the fullest to encourage those I've been sent here to encourage. Maybe it's both the Malagasy and the missionary women. That's very posible. I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes, doing the right thing is just taking a step forward in the morning and being fully present to embrace whatever comes my way at that MOMENT. It seems so simple doesn't it?
I understand that things will look differently depending on what stage of life we are in as a family. Of course there is the obvious.
- To bring honour and glory to my Lord
- To love and honour my husband
- To disciple my boys to be Godly men of integrity
- To be a safe haven for those who need it.
- To sit in the mud and mourn with those who mourn, and laugh and rejoice with those who rejoice.
And so I will continue to seek His face and ask for a clear vision, for today, for this year, for my life.