December 3, 2011
Hello there dear friends. As many of you know Randy and I are expecting another baby! I wanted to take time to tell you about this miracle. NO it wasn't a planned thing (so to speak) and no it wasn't a surprise. “So what was it?” you might ask.....here comes the long story. You see, Randy and I were NEVER going to have another baby. For those of you who don't know, when Seth was 9 weeks old I was struck with psychosis and postpartum depression. I was REALLY sick for about 6 months. The baby was taken away and staying at my parents for a while as I was trying to kill him due to visions I was having and thought were reality. I had a babysitter with me 24/7 as I was trying to kill myself as well. It was hell on earth. I wouldn't wish that on...well, even on Hitler...you get my point. Anyway, the Lord blessed Randy and I SO deeply during that time of suffering, including, somehow, getting pregnant in the middle of it with Cole! (otherwise we would have NEVER had him) I was still on really serious meds and had to get off them but that pregnancy was what sparked my hormones to balance! Is the Lord good or what? Anwyay, AMAZING ministry and healing for us and others came through this trial. So, due to that suffering Randy and I swore we would NEVER have children again. Ever, end of story. Funny thing was, that whenever we thought about getting something done permanently in order to not get pregnant we never felt comfortable with it so we listened to that “feeling” and never did anything permanent.
Now, back in May while in Mada I was soaking with the Lord on my morning God date and He spoke to me so clearly.
God: Megan, do you trust me with everything?
me: Lord, you know I do. I'm in the middle of Mada with my family. How else can I possibly trust you more?
God: will you have another child?
end of my soaking with the Lord for that day.
I was SO taken off guard and SO mad at HIM! How could he ask me such a thing? Did He forget the suffering we went through? He would NOT lay off the subject. EVERY DAY!!!! I shared with Randy and we started praying something like this, "seriously Lord is this you?"
Finally by September or so we started praying something like this, "We know this is You Lord, help us to obey". By October we finally gave into his loving "harrasment"! and right away we got pregnant, and right away our hearts were filled with so much joy because He had come through, He had given us the strength to obey Him. And you know what? I would rather obey Him and have the 50/50 chance or losing my sanity again than walk a day without Him and be sane.
We have found such peace and joy in the Lord because He is growing us and teaching us how to obey Him and when we walk in obedience how much He blesses us with His presence and peace.......hold on i need a moment to cry before Him and worship....
He is SO good, friends. Randy and I have learned that it is actually in God's mercy and love for us that He asks us to do hard things because He knows that in and of ourselves, if things were easy, we would not cling to HIM. Isn't that amazing!!!!! And so it is with a little bit of human fear and intrepidation that we say, "bring it on Lord, we are Yours and will obey You fully" And even our obedience has NOTHING to do with us! HE puts it in us to obey!!!!! AMAZING!
So there you have it. The full scoop! Now don't get me wrong, we beg of you to be praying us through this, especially the first year of the baby's life as that is when postpartum, IF it will come, will come. But we want you to rejoice with us that after hearing the Lord clearly and after seeking Him for the strength to obey He formed another miracle in us and we obeyed!
What is the Lord asking you to do that is difficult? I'd be happy to join your journey and pray for you in that. As a dear friend asked me I will ask you, “How can I stand beside you?”