Monday, February 14, 2011

Learning how to swim.

The following are some of the things that God has been revealing to me and teaching me about during my time with Him.

Come out of a land that is so dry that you must dig and dig for water. Come out of the desert into a land with so much water you feel as if you'll drown with every step. Don't fear the water. Don't struggle with it. Just float and let it lead you. Let it moisturize your dry cracked skin. Let it quench your thrirst. Let the water take you to places unknown. Splash, dive, explore a whole new world.

Lord, there are times when You appear to be a wild river. It's those times that I tend to swim as fast as I can to shore and cling to the river bank. Yet, You're calling me to dive in. I've fought that call for so long. “No Lord, the river's supposed to look like this in my life” (teaching special education, something I was trained specifically to do and am gifted in”) and yet You want me to go into an unknown territory....for me anyway....intercessory prayer. This will be a whole new “bucket of worms” for me, and yet I know, that with You, even a bucket of worms will have diamonds hidden in it somewhere for me to find. OK Lord, Your will be done.

Please Lord, will you allow me to slowly slide off the river bank, or must I dive in?”

Stick your feet in the water for now. I'll tell you when to jump.”

Yes, Lord, have Your way”.

I'm ready to jump Lord. Purge me. Be my spiritual plumber and flush the human part of me clean if You will. I want You to be able to flow through me with out any clogs of sin. I want to be able to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell You clearly without any distortion, so that I may adaquately lift reqests of others and praises due Your name before You, Lord. Only by Your grace may I do so Lord. Only by Your grace may I enter. I'm ready to be swept away, and ride in the current of your Spirit, Lord.

How can I trust You unless You put it in me to trust You? How can I hear Your leading unless you open my ears and help me follow? How can I follow Your commands unless You put it in me to obey? How can I believe in You unless You put it in me to have faith in You? How can I live a life worthy of Your love unless you shower me with Your grace? How can I live a life worth living unless I die to myself and live for you?

Less of me Lord and more of You. Teach me to love those around me more than I love myself. My quick irritance and “I'm finished here” attitude kills me Lord. And I know that when I'm like that it sufficates those around me. Help. Help me to live, act, and respond by my spirit which is connected to Yours; NOT live, act, and respond by my emotions that fool me. I know it and still, they rule me, Lord. Break me free from the chains of emotional bondage Lord, in Jesus name, that I may live better for You, that I may love those around me better, Lord. I want to bless Randy, Seth, and Cole with a wife and mommy that is reliable, steady in emotion, comfortable to be with. NOT this irritable person with whom you have to walk on eggshells around. Oh God HELP! I'm at the end of myself. Why am I always too rushed, intense, highly stressed? How do I overcome those things which are FEELINGS and NOT TRUTH? Tune my heart to sing Thy praises. “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer” Psalm 19:14

1 comment:

  1. Are you talking about me or you? I too struggle with letting my feelings control me and being irritable with my kids especially. It was just the other day, as I was driving to work, that I was praying much the same prayer as yours above. It's encourgaing to know I'm not the only one. And I will be praying for you as I continue to struggle myself. I too want to get past myself. Help us God!