December 5, 2010
Well, I need to do something very difficult this week. Remember how I shared in an earlier blog my dilema between what I thought for years my ministry would be overseas versus what I felt the Lord was calling me to do now? Well, I'm finally giving in to the Lord. I feel He is calling me to a ministry of intercession and encouraging missionary woman. This means being available for hours of intercessory prayer each day which will not allow me the time to volunteer at MCA (the school where I'm teaching part-time).
I've been telling them that I would be available to help in their classes by helping with some of their special needs children. I've done this. However, they have continued to ask me to help with teaching English, or running games in English so the children can hear a native speaker. I keep telling them I don't not feel comfortable doing this as, though I speak English, I can not teach it. So, there has been a lot of confusion between what the teacehers are expecting verses what I'm I've said I would do and am willing to do. This Friday during their staff meeting I will talk to them. I need to ask the teachers at Madagascar Christian Acadamy to forgive me for the misscommunication. Communicating across different langauges and cultures is very difficult. I am very nervous as I know I will be letting them down, as far as their expectations. I have been praying that the Lord will prepare their hearts and that they would extend grace to me. I feel like this situation wouldn't have come up if I had just obeyed what the Lord was telling me to do a few months ago and not even started at MCA.
Why have I been running away from this new ministry? Well, I mentioned why I was running from ministering to missionary women (read earilier blog entry if you missed it) but why am I running from a ministry of prayer/intersession? It can be a very lonely calling. I am a social butterfly (understatement I know). I feel the Lord is calling me to spend a good part of everyday in intercessory prayer for Madagascar, missionaries, friends, family...whatever else He puts on my hearts. Therefore I need to keep my schedule free and flexible to follow His leading in prayer, and to be free to gather with missionary women one on one to pray with and encourage them. What if He doesn't bring them to me? What if I'm left all by myself with no plans for the week and I am faced with only having Him? Is He truly enough for me?
My Dad was reminding me of a time a year or so ago when it looked as if Randy and I wouldn't have health insurance for a few months before we went on AIM's health insurance. I was very worried about this. I was in the bathroom one day (for some reason God seems to talk to me there) and all of a sudden I started singing, “I'd rather have Jesus than health insurance” bawling my eyes out before the Lord as I allowed my spirit to lead me in truth rather than my body to lead me in anxiety. That scene is brought before me again as I write this. And so I'm going to write my own verses to that song. I encourage you to do the same during your quiet time with our Savior.
I'd rather have Jesus than meet with friends.
I'd rather have Jesus than teach special needs kids.
I'd rather have Jesus than plans to shop,
I'd rather have Jesus than to clean and mop (well, that's a no brainer)
Chorus : Than to be in front of a congregation leading songs, and plays, and music too.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything, this world could ever afford.
I'd rather have Jesus than a nice beach that's sandy.
I'd rather have Jesus than my favorite candy.
I'd rather have Jesus than chips to eat.
I'd rather have Jesus and lay at His feet.
I'd rather have Jesus than drive a car,
I'd rather have Jesus and have to walk far,
I'd rather have Jesus than cool jewelry.
I'd rather have Jesus than Seth, Cole, and Randy,
Now, this may make you laugh but these are the idols I have before the Lord. It's hard. I wrote this through tears. I now, publicly lay these idols down at His feet and encourage you to join me there.