Getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day for me. I lay there and dread the fact that I know I will let God down, I will let my husband down, I will let my children down, I will let my friends down, I will let down myself. I will fail. Sounds depressing right? No wonder I have a hard time getting out of bed!
How can any body want to be with me? I can’t even stand to be with myself some times. How could Jesus want to die for me in order to be with me? ME.
It’s hard to understand why God has allowed me to deal with depression, OCD, anxiety. Why would He want me to suffer this way. How can this, this, be good for me, come from a “Good God”?
I’ve been struggling with this, and I know I’m not the only one, as one of my friends said the same thing to me the other day. In my heart of hearts I know/believe that God is good and therefore, that all He does is good. I just don’t understand how. How can He use me when I’m feeling like this?
Do you hear the focus of my first few paragraphs? I’ve made it all about me and my feelings. God can and will use me for His glory. He also tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that “His plans are to prosper us, not to harm us. To give us a hope and a future.” Do I trust that? Even when I can’t seem to get myself out of bed?
God gave me a new picture a few months ago about me and my feelings. I am a bus. The bus needs a driver. I need to let that driver be God. I need to be in the second seat, right behind Him, so I can hear Him as He guides me, teaches me. But what I’m finding out is that all to often it’s my feelings that are driving my bus. Now, feelings are very real, but they are not truth. Only God is truth and that is why He needs to drive my bus. So, every morning I finally remember this and I tell my feelings to “get to the back of the bus. God’s driving today”. Then, I force myself out of bed, pray as I walk through the house for God’s strength, God’s focus, God’s joy and I chose to move forward in victory, whether I feel victorious or not.
OH MY WORD!!! I just finished writing this and went on Face book. Here is what I watched! You’ve GOT to watch this! It’s exactly what I was just writing about! HA! I love it when God does that! Here's the link.
Our pastor just preached about goodness as an attribute of God this past Sunday. Please listen to it. It spoke so deeply to my heart and I pray that it will speak just as deeply to yours.
Pastor Jeff's sermon
Pastor Jeff's sermon