Saturday, June 25, 2011

tears and smiles

didn't have Randy read through this first so you'll have to deal with the smelling....wait....i mean spelling.....errors!

June 19, 2011
I have to apologize for not blogging in a few weeks. I've been feeling so many emotions that I've chosen, at times, to just turn them off and be emotionally constipated.

Today my baby turned 5 years old! I can't believe it! What will my roll be when we get back to the states? I've been a stay at home mom in the states for 5 years and now I'm going back to the states with my boys in school full time! It's like, in a way, I have a clean chalk board and I'm not sure what my roll of “Mom” will look like in this stage of life.

June 24, 2011
New thought...

I'm the type of person that when I leave a place I end up leaving it completely. The memory of good friends and loved ones turn into a haze. I even temporaraly forget peoples names (ok, so I do that on a regular basis anyway). When I left the states I did feel a little sad, but I knew I'd go back eventually. The difference now is that I don't know if we'll ever come back to Madagascar and therefore see any of these people again who have allowed me to invest in their lives and them invest in mine. I know that, eventually, once back in the states these people, these beautifull, momentary friends of mine, will slowly but surely become a haze, fading memories. Memories that I hold so close to my heart will slowly start to fade from true factual experiences into stories that become distorted over time.

It's life. I know. I remember one of our missionaries saying that being a missionary is a life of “goodbyes”. His father than corrected him and said, “No son, it's a life of “hellos”. These last weeks I am constantly reminding myself that I do not have to dread people being in my life for short chapters at a time. I can look at it as a painful privaledge; a time to grow and mature and invest in each others lives.

My friend, Fiona, was reading a Dr. Suess book to our kids the other night. In the cover of the book it read, “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened”. ….

I think I'll do both.

1 comment:

  1. You have the most wonderful attitude! I love the silly Cookie Shop photo.... upside down baby!!!-Laura T.