Do you believe that about yourself? That, even though you're a mess, you're still beautiful?
I don't. Well, I didn't. I kind of do. I'm working on it. That's where I am with that statement.
I don't know about you, but I STRUGGLE. In my mind. It's a cotton pickin' mess. With O.C.D. and anxiety it's like world war 3 in there depending on the day, the moment. I don't know what your struggle is, it might not be mental illness but I KNOW it's something, because we all struggle and we're all messy.
When I'm in the midst of a bad M.M. (mental moment, which could last 5 minutes or 3 months) I see no beauty in myself. Right? I know you can connect with this. (I choose to believe I'm not alone in this, though this is often not talked about or ESPECIALLY not shared on social media.) Then the automatic tapes in my head go off, and they are never uplifting.
"Look at you. You can't even hold it together over spilled food on the floor." "What kind of mother loses her temper with a 4 yr old just wanting a hug while she's cooking?" "You're a failure." "You're not able...." "You're inadequate." And the list goes on.
Why is it that "messiness"/unhealthiness comes so naturally but we have to INTENTIONALLY practice beauty?
And so, once again, I am brought back to the cross of Christ. Now THAT is messy. Ugly. Disgusting. Grotesque. BUT, it is also Saving. Grace. Mercy. Beauty. Without that "mess" there'd be no hope. I just don't want to, can't, live that way. Literally. If I stayed in the state of messy without practicing beauty I would......well.....let me just say it. I would kill myself. There ya go. Ultimate mess. One thing we would never want people to know we've thought about, or dare I even say, planned/tried. Without the hope of beauty all there is, ultimately, is death to bring what we think will be relief.
It's a lie. It's a lie.
Here's where Beauty comes in.
And so I fix my eyes on Truth. (For those of you who will want biblical proof message me and I'll share the references for these.)
I AM VALUABLE.
I AM a MASTERPIECE.
I was MADE WITH A PURPOSE.
I AM STRONG and POWERFUL in Christ.
I AM BEAUTIFUL.
I AM A BEAUTIFUL MESS.
I don't want to leave that last one out. I need to take a new look at it. Instead of looking at "Mess" as a negative I can choose to look at it as a positive. It's within/because this "mess" that I can
1. reach out and connect with other people.
2. catch the lies in the mess and practice truth.
3. gain wisdom and strength by going through the mess (trials/adversities).
Here's to today. Will you chose to pick/focus on Beauty in the midst of the mess today with me?
Below is a link to You Make Beautiful Things By Gungor. Please take time to listen to it and be encouraged.
This entry is for my Pop (my father-in-love). I haven't blogged in months because I think, "Who would want to learn from this Mess?" You often tell me how you miss reading my blog when I don't write for a while. Thank you for your encouragement and for believing in me. I love you Pop.